This, being performance and bonus time, you may have been given feedback about your “leadership”, “teamwork” and “people” skills. And of course, you are committed to make big changes in 2007. Many executives believe that 360 and management feedback given to smart, capable and ambitious individuals results in desired change. Would that it were so simple.

Have you ever watched a baby learning a new skill? At first s/he demonstrates random movements. Getting a pleasurable result (making a parent smile, hearing a noise, setting something in motion, grabbing a toy, tasting something sweet, getting praised) results in repetition and eventually a new habit. It takes time, trial and error, and reinforcement, to create a new behavior. Yet, so many adults think they will learn to lead, change perceptions of themselves, develop new people skills just as a result of getting feedback. It does not happen.

An article in Fortune entitled Five Levels of Greatness last October outlines the stages required for developing new behaviors.

To take that model a little further, I recently created a Leadership Development Process tool (download here) for my clients mainly in response to unrealistic expectations for leadership development coaching. Many of my clients, having been successful in turning around businesses, executing strategy, and displaying complex professional expertise believe that learning to lead well is simply executed based on data. But, the truth is that, even when we are all grown up, every new skill starts with awareness and then moves through a set of developmental steps to eventually become habit.

So, congratulate yourself on having achieved the first stage. Then, provide yourself with the input, reinforcement mechanisms and patience you will need to convert the data to a deliverable!

One of the worst parts of job search is to be in a “wait” situation.

Joanne Lublin’s article, “How to Cope When a Would-Be Employer Takes Forever to Hire”, in the December 5, 2006 Wall Street Journal got me thinking about additional ways job seekers can manage this potentially frustrating experience. Here are 5 strategies to consider:

1. Gain agreement from the prospective employer about follow up and place yourself in control by suggesting a time/date for you to give them a call. Then, initiate other opportunities even if you continue to be interested in the position you are waiting to hear about. Creating multiple opportunities to pursue diminishes the frustration.

2. Follow up and ask for a meeting to review your candidacy. Get some information about what is causing the long duration. For example, consider these alternatives:

• Are they interviewing new candidates (in which case they may not be “sold” on you),
• Do they need more information about you (find out what they need to know to make you an offer) Are they re-considering the position (ask what changes they are thinking about).
• Are they re-directing the business (learn a little more if possible about their plans/strategy)?
• Are there be some other management changes which may be confidential and they may not share with you (in which case, do more research and networking to unearth causes if possible).
• Is there an incumbent (ask what is the status with this person’s future)?

Based on the causation, make your own plans, offer additional information, consider how long you are interested in/willing to wait for a resolution and create mental deadlines for yourself so that the limbo does not go on beyond your comfort level.

3. Many organizations put out searches that then do not get completed because the role has not been clearly defined against strategy, the manager is not sure what kind of person s/he wants to hire, the company is just “fishing for talent” and then decides to re-organize or hire internally, or because business needs or circumstances change mid stream. Search consultants and internal talent management professionals are sometimes not in the loop about these changes and continue encouraging a candidate. Sometimes your network can give you valuable information about what is really going on.

4. The challenge of a long search is that once you are in play or think another opportunity could be of interest, your focus on your present position might suffer. There is a tendency to fantasize about the new potential position and make decisions in your mind when there is not yet an offer on the table. The longer you wait, the unhappy you can become with your current job. If this starts to happen, use the opportunity presented to you as a spring board to re-invest in your work or launch a full scale search for another job. Otherwise you can invest too much in vacant hope and then be very demoralized if the job does not materialize.

5. Find a clever way to follow up: Once when I was in a protracted interview process, the conversations stalled for several months because of a very confidential management change that I did not know about. During this time I was interviewed for a magazine article and I recommended that the writer contact the president of the company for a quote since I knew he would have interesting things to say. When the article was published, I sent a copy to him with a note saying “looks like we belong together!” He immediately called, said he was sorry that our discussions had stopped. We re-opened up our discussions, and I was made an offer.

We connect and are connected constantly. But now there are increasingly serious consequences. Emails written in haste, while at meetings, on the fly, with half-attention, or in anger are epidemic. Workers and executives are finding themselves having to double back, explain, un-do or make up for mis-understandings, inadvertently “reply all or forwarded missives, blind copied messages that break trust, and blown out of proportion emotional reactions. Much time and emotional energy is being spent on what should be a time saver.

The convenience of mobile devises has shifted into a conundrum. Being constantly on hand and accessible sets expectations of immediate response and instant action. And it builds on itself. Work stress increases, productivity and effectiveness decrease when people never let up, never let down, never let go.
Now, according to The Independent, there is an unintended–but perhaps not unexpected–consequence of our “Crackberry” addiction: legal exposure for organizations. It seems that mobile email devises which place pressures on employees beyond regular working hours can interfere with fair labor practices….or even could be considered grounds for divorce!

No one wants to be disconnected. Perhaps, though, we have let this get out of hand.

Test yourself:

When are you not checking emails?

What happens if you don’t?

How much time during the day do you spend just thinking….daydreaming?

When you read an email, how much time goes by before you respond? Do you re-read and consider the recipient’s reaction before hitting send?
How are your relationships? When was the last time you got out of your chair to personally speak with a colleague…or even picked up the phone?

Do you suffer from split attention because your mobile devise is beeping or vibrating while you are at meetings? Or at home?

How early in the morning and late at night do you check your devise?

If you think you are not addicted, put the thing away for an hour and monitor your reactions. Do you worry that you will miss something? Do you think…”oh, I’ll just check this once?”

What would happen if you disconnected?

Like many addictions, remote emailing starts off feeling good; it is a convenience, gives you a sense of power and accomplishment. Then, it starts to have power over you. At some point we all must make our own decisions about being connected. If you are checking constantly, you may be losing the very connections you are trying to preserve.

Let me hear from you.

Recently, a number of high powered women I have consulted me about how to get a seat at the table. Helpful and realistic advice seemed illusive. So, I interviewed a number of savvy and successful people to get the most up to date advice on gaining access to executive committee and board appointments. In light of the article Glass Ceiling? Get a Hammer in the New York Times, June 12th, clearly this issue has both importance and relevance.
You are invited to download the resulting complimentary White Paper, Women at the Table here.

Your comments, additions and reactions are always welcome.

When I was doing public service work, I noticed that the most powerful members of the community were those who helped others get employment. They made friends of the employer and of the job seeker by being receptive and thoughtful about creating a match. They also felt good about helping. In that spirit, several years ago I wrote an article, Networking Quid Pro Quo which details the benefits to the recipient of networking. Please download it, gratis.
It certainly is annoying to be approached by an unfocused job seeker, a contact or stranger with a (not so) hidden agenda, or people who think of you as their new best friend when they don’t know you or, worse, have blown you off in the past. However, if you transcend these awkward advances and try to be of service, you will most likely make an ally for life.

Some tips for building an ally out of a request:

1. Welcome the call by being friendly and interested. You don’t have to know of or have a job to offer to be of service. Engage in a dialogue about the caller’s interests, needs, goals, and background.

2. Manage expectations by shifting the conversation to something you can realistically do for the individual, such as advise on their resume, help them consider alternative career paths, give them information about an industry or companies, serve as a sounding board as they begin to unearth opportunities.

3. Resist the temptation to offer to “pass” the caller’s resume around or keep it in case you “hear of something” because it raises expectations that you will actually become their (unpaid) headhunter and may place you in a position of repeat calls asking you if you have heard of a job. This is irritating for you and hurtful to the job seeker.

4. Help callers to be focused and productive by giving honest feedback on their self-presentation or their marketing plan, and help them to expand their ideas with your perspectives on the market or their field of interest.

5. If asked for additional contacts, be thoughtful and strategic about referrals. Offer names of people who you really think will add to the job seekers’ ability to move their job search along. It is always helpful to provide some background about the referral which helps job seekers to be effective. Personally setting up the connection keeps you in the loop and gives you an opportunity to be in touch with your contacts, as well.

As always, I am interested in your own thoughts and tips,

Sheryl

P.S. As an update on those quoted in the article:

Marianne Ruggiero now has a thriving consulting practice, Optima Careers
Alan Pickman works for Lee Hecht Harrison
Fredie Gamble is now traveling the world

Networking is not working! It is painful for the majority of networkers and annoying for a large number of recipients. After all, what we call “networking” is a manufactured process based on a tradition in which “old boys” established a mutually beneficial support system (or network of peers, mentors and sponsors) founded on relationship, reputation and reciprocity. Now that we have turned the noun into a verb, many networkers have turned what was once a fulfilling way of living into just one more “should” that is neither appreciated, comfortable nor desired. Many feel compelled to dip in and out of the networking command performance based on current work stability, satisfaction, and situations. We network when we need to, when we have to, when we should. This episodic effort can look like this:

An email arrives in your in-box from a long-ago acquaintance who never really established a relationship with you and whom you remember did not return your last three phone calls, blew you off for lunch, never did business with you. The email is accompanied by an attached (very long and unedited/unfocused) resume. The body of the email states that the writer is in the process of “putting a few feelers” out and, based on a mutual “friend’s” suggestion, is writing to you for advice and information. The email ends with “I look forward to speaking with you”. Have you written one of these lately? Are you a recipient? This may be networking….but it certainly is not a way to build, nurture or expand relationships.

Recently I attended an ACPI conference where Larry Stybel presented a very thought provoking concept which can be found in his article, “Friend, Foe, Ally, Adversary….or Something Else?” He suggests that there are four types of relationships, two of which are constant (friends and enemies) and two which are conditional or changing (allies and adversaries). A friend would respond to any request from you because of the nature of the relationship (unconditional, long term, close, mutual, loyal, deeply connected) while an enemy would rebuff or even undermine you. Others (allies and adversaries) will be helpful or not depending on the level of their own self interest or benefit to them. Thus, if you are contacting friends, you can be assured that they will come through, no matter what, if it is within their power to help. However, since most of the people you know are conditional relationships, you need to recognize that these contacts need to be helped to help you and they need to see that responding to you will in some way help them (either now or in the future).
Based on Larry’s ideas, think about your relationships. Fears of rejection (the main objection to networking) disappear when you think of investing in your allies through give and take, ongoing contact, reciprocity. Make a habit of staying in touch. Show interest and curiosity about your field, a desire to inform, nurture and expand relationships based on mutual benefit. If you are reconnecting with people who have been out of touch, first work on establishing a connection through offering them something or, at least, giving them a reason or purpose to be interested in you.

Build them before you expect them to come to your aid! Manage your expectations to match the realities of the relationships. Be considerate of your contacts. Prepare well for your outreach. If you are in a job change process, scrap the open-ended approach: be targeted, specific and realistic. Before you make the call or write that note/e-mail, ask yourself:
1. What is your history with this individual? Where does s/he fit into your world?
2. What is the true nature of your relationship? A friend will do anything for you, no questions asked. Anyone else needs to be informed, nurtured, and developed into an ally.
3. What does your contact know about you? What does s/he need to know?
4. What, specifically, are your expectations about what your contact can/wants to do for you?
5. Knowing that the likelihood of your contact knowing/having a job for you right now is very low, what is the purpose of your reaching out to him/her?
6. How do you wish to be thought of? Do you want sympathy or support?
7. Be clear about what you are asking for: are you just starting and need focus, know what you are looking for and need to expand your information, exploring options, selecting among alternatives?
8. What can you offer your contact which will help him/her?

To learn more about these elements of relationship management, you are invited to download a complimentary Enduring Allies Tip Sheet

Are you overwhelmed by overload?
Despite all your time-management and list making, do you find yourself in a constant crisis response mode?
Is your mind weighed down by piles of projects, constant email alerts, and interruptions?
When you are not listening to the endless internal task master inside your head does the constant drone of others’ demands drown out your ability to focus?

You are clearly not alone.

Nearly everyone I work with is looking for respite from the pressures of productivity. Recent articles in the news inform us about the dangers of being in a constant state of high alert resulting from urgency addiction and multi tasking. Reuters reported a study indicating that Americans are working more and accomplishing less. Sue Shellenbarger noted last week in the Wall Street Journal’s “Work and Family Mailbox” that anxiety and perhaps even emotional depression can result from too much multitasking and fatigue. When your mind and body are constantly overstressed, hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol go into overdrive.

Sometimes, as with the injured conductor James Levine, a scheduled several month sabbatical presents the opportunity to create life-changing improvements. For those of us who wish to avoid such dire situations, there are numerous blogs and books offering methods to lighten up while achieving. While no one “system” is appropriate or sufficient for all situations, combining ideas and tools can help to lighten your load.

Recently, I listened to Getting It Done, by David Allen and then checked out his web site. Allen recommends expanding on goal setting through a process which involves an entire work-flow/life planning overhaul. He emphasizes the importance of a system to tear through all of the massive tasks and projects that clutter your desk and your mind. Allen’s technique is that people identify the “next action” for everything in their “in box”, organize stuff in project files and lists to be reviewed regularly, and do anything immediately that will take two minutes or less. It is very satisfying to get through those nagging tasks. However, I think that the risk in Allen’s system is that if you do everything in your in-box that takes two minutes right away, you can eat up a whole day with small tasks, eliminating the time to work on your long term initiatives and commitments. Unaddressed projects and goals will then hang over your head exacerbating stress–not to mention limiting your career.

In contrast to David Allen, Steven Shapiro, author of Goal-Free Living has posited a very interesting concept that questions our goal setting preoccupied culture. See whether you are a “Goalaholic” by taking his quiz . His idea is that rigid goals often limit creativity, exploration and innovation because goal related stress interferes with a willingness to open up to new ideas, to explore and feel flow in our work/lives. Rather, he suggests that people articulate their thematic passions and question goals that are not self-generated. Living for and measuring yourself against achieving a future goal, according to Shapiro, is not only stressful, but limits your potential. His blog is worth investigating.

I’ve summarized my favorite lighten up tips here:

1. Start with a clean sweep. Spring is a great time to get rid of all of those unattended projects, piles and visual distractions that weigh heavily on your mind every time you see them.

2. Don’t start your day in overload: Plan your days in advance and include time to handle unexpected demands, interruptions and crises. Build in flexibility, recovery and think time.

3. Spend 10 minutes each evening or morning to organize your workspace, review and revise your schedule and file away extraneous papers.

4. Evaluate the “incoming and “add on’s” to your plan rather than just doing everything that presents itself. If you have to add something, trade off something else.

5. Examine your own expectations and other’s demands. You cannot function in constant triage with impunity.

6. Avoid unnecessary interruptions. Plan to read email at three designated times during the day, and respond only to what is urgent. Register interruptions, your own mind memos and others’ requests in your to do or task list and then commit to a time to address them when you can properly focus.

7. Commit to sufficient time to think through and complete tasks without interruption.

8. Plan some down/fun/relaxation/reflection time every day. Even a short break will help you lighten up!

Please share your tips and comment!

By now, the holiday and year end rush are over and whether you have taken a vacation or not, you are probably in full swing at work, executing your 2006 strategy. And, like many of my clients, you may be finding yourself feeling that you have already lost sight of all of those New Year’s resolutions to have more balance, socialize/network more, do something with a personal interest/creative talent. Are you energized….or do you find yourself depleted at the end of the day? Are you in charge….or has “life” taken over?

I have just finished re-reading a wonderful book, The Path of Least Resistance, Learning to Become the Creative Force in Your Own Life, by Robert Fritz (1984) which reminded me how very important it is to create a vision of what we want rather than responding to or reacting against life’s circumstances. Too often we find ourselves just getting through the day…putting out fires, resenting interruptions and obligations, operating on “automatic” and losing sight of those projects and commitments we made to our organizations and ourselves. What happens is that driving innovation, initiative, creativity, and engagement suffer.

With so much going on, the first indicator that you may be scattered is your ability to focus, carry through with plans, prioritize and execute. So, take a moment to assess yourself with this fun activity:

Colortest http://www.njagyouth.org/colortest.htm

Whether you are leading a team or are an individual contributor working on a new initiative, you know how strong a role talent and desire plays in building results. When you are fully engaged in an activity, utilizing your strengths (talents and interests combined) the day seems to float by and your work seems effortless. A recent Fast Company article reminds us of the research behind this phenomenon:

Working in Flow

Each of us has a unique purpose, a unique world view that is bursting to emerge. If we ignore it in the interest of getting “stuff” done, we eventually undermine the outcome with disappointment and resentment. As Martha Graham reminds us:

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening, that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost.”

So, here three ideas to consider as you plan (yes…plan rather than slog) through your days ahead:

1. At the beginning of each week, think about what you want to accomplish both professionally and personally. Make sure as you look at your calendar that you have actually built in time for a creative project, a nurturing friendship/family experience, some quiet time to restore yourself. Make these plans manageable. I actually color code my calendar to assure that I have integrated respite with responsibility.
2. Assess at the end of each day whether you have been able to meet your own goals, analyze what worked and what got in the way. Adjust your expectations in line with realities. If an unexpected event or project intervened, make sure you adapt your schedule to accommodate realistic goals and promises.
3. Examine the gaps between the way you wanted to spend your time and what you actually did. Where did you accomplish your goals and where did you get derailed?

Let me know how you are doing!

Sheryl

Suddenly, the weather is frightful and it almost seems like a cruel joke that we are pressured all at once with holiday preparations, on top of year-end demands and having to pile on more layers of clothing all at the same time! Understandably, multi-tasking and “tyranny of the shoulds” abound.

Overwhelmed and unfocused?

There is no way to avoid stress at this time of year, but here are some of my ideas for managing it:

TEN TIPS FOR DEALING WITH STRESSFUL INCIDENTS, by Sheryl Spanier

1. Ask yourself: “What’s actually bothering me?” Then, investigate further. If you are feeling threatened, distrustful or imposed upon, look for an underlying fear. If you are anxious, see if there is some unconscious hurt or anger. What do you think you might lose?

2. Consider whether this is an isolated incident or a pattern of incidents. If it is isolated, or a one time event, you might be interested in delaying a response/reaction until you gain more information. If it is a repetitive issue, what do you think the pattern means? Has this happened with other individuals/situations, or does it tend to reoccur only with this person/condition?

3. Is this historical or grounded in the present? Does the stressful condition bring up memories or feelings of past, similar experiences? Are you having more difficulty dealing with it because of emotions or relationships which are unresolved from prior times?

4. Examine your expectations. Did you anticipate or expect a different reaction/action/or response? Is your expectation realistic considering the people/conditions?

5. Consider what you want to have happen. Is there anything you can do to create this preferred outcome? What would be the consequences to your taking this action? Are you willing to accept those consequences?

6. Go to the mat with yourself about what/whom you are trying to control. Investigate whether it is possible/useful to do so. Trying to control/change someone else’s attitude/behavior/feelings is usually a vacant effort. What can you change/control/accept in yourself?

7. Create an intellectual separation between the incident, your feelings and a reaction. Disengage from your desire to make something happen. Decide whether you want to fight this battle. Ask yourself, “is this worth doing anything about?” What if you do nothing? Sometimes a little creative procrastination saves a lot of future work or fix up efforts.

8. Apply the WIM test: Will it Matter in Matter in 24 seconds, 24 minutes, 24 hours? If you can delay a response/reaction for a day, sleep on it. To prepare for this wait, you can write a letter to save and review, make a list of action steps you can take, research your potential resources and support systems. Review these lists after 24 hours and consider other options before acting.

9. Ask a confidente/coach/mentor for his/her perspectives on your planned response/action. Listen and be open to the advice.

10. Identify one small step which will make a small change. Then, based on the result, build, shift gears, change direction.

Some practical help is available on the web, as well.

A major stressor for many of us is working our way through endless voice mail cues when we want to ask a simple question or resolve a problem that is not on the pre-defined menue. Trying to speak to a REAL person to resolve a bill or order a product? Here is a site that will help you bypass the system and connect:

Try the IVR Cheat Sheet by Paul English.

And try these sites for some stress relief tools:

http://www.coping.org/growth/stress.htm

http://isis.fastmail.usf.edu/counsel/SELF-HLP/stress_red.htm

Wishing you Peaceful and Happy Holidays!

Sheryl

Recently, on a summer Friday at 6:30 an exhausted client, who was returning my call of Monday, said: “Someone did not get the memo about summer.”

It seems that easy summer living is a thing of the past. And, as with any unmet expectation, the disappointment has an impact beyond the actual reality.

Missing a restful, relaxing and fun summer seems to be standard now. In the Wall Street Journal, August 10th, there was a striking article called “How to Avoid Taking a Vacation So Good It Hurts to Come Back,” in which Jared Sandberg takes the issue even further. He notes that people who want take time off need to plan to avoid the pre-vacation intensity and post-vacation depression. So, one may ask, why bother?

Read the recent Families and Work Institute Study, “Overwork in America: When the Way We Work Becomes Too Much”

- Download free Executive Summary (640KB)

- How overworked are you? Take the quiz.

The researchers note that at least 1/3 of Americans report that they are overwhelmed and overworked, yet are unable to or afraid to take necessary time off.

Another recent related article you may find of interest is:

How Too Many Long Hours Can Be Bad for Your Career, by Hunkar Ozyasar http://www.careerjournal.com/columnists/perspective/20050623-fmp.html?cjpos=columnists_whatsnew

So, for those of you who are stressing post and pre, or in spite of having a vacation, here are five tips for taking mini-vacations that will give you a little taste of what summer used to mean. You may want to keep these in mind during the winter as well.

1. Every hour or two, take a 5 minute meditation break. You don’t have to get into a lotus position or even chant “om”. Merely clear your mind and focus on your breathing, an image of the ocean wafting in and out, or picture in your mind of your favorite vacation memory. To get some help with meditation techniques try: http://www.learningmeditation.com. There is even a chime reminder you can download: http://www.mindfulnessdc.org/mindfulclock.html

2. Take one afternoon off and go to the park, the movies, a pool, a museum, catch a matinee. Do not take work with you… turn off your cell phone, Treo or Blackberry. You can plan for this time or just take off. You will be surprised how refreshed you are the next day.

3. Pursue an interest, craft, or learn a new skill. Schedule non-negotiable time in for this endeavor. Make it a priority. If you select an activity that requires concentration, such as learning a new instrument, beading, knitting or pottery or even reading to a young child, you will find your mind is fully engaged and you return to your work with much more energy.

4. Next time you are in transit, put your work away and just people watch. Try to guess about others lives, have a conversation with your cab driver, and stare out the window and just daydream. You will reset your mind, and might learn something new!

5. Plan a “renewal day” during which you self-indulge. Have a massage, manicure, and pedicure, spend two hours in your gym, get a new haircut, a facial or a makeover in a department store, take a tour of a new neighborhood, go for a bike ride. Shop for fall clothes, or just pile up all those things you have been meaning to read that are not work related and stay in bed in the air conditioning. Turn off the phone, don’t check email… just relax. You will be surprised at the feeling of relief.

Risk… Nothing terrible will happen in just one day. Except, maybe your disappointed expectations will dissipate!

I actually took this advice myself. Want to see what I do? Check out http://www.m-l-p.com
and scroll down to the bottom of the page!

Have any other ideas? Let me know what works for you!

Please comment.